The “old money” style is trending on Instagram. At Tuxedo Society, you can pay to experience being wealthy, while “nepo babies” are eagerly followed on social media, where their closets, vacation and shopping habits are put on display. And if that’s not enough drama, there are always series like Succession, Billions and Secrets We Keep (Reservatet), where “the rich” are portrayed in less flattering ways.
The constant exposure of “the wealthy” only heightens curiosity about young people who will one day inherit companies or fortunes. Yet most of them simply wish to be like everyone else and they are seldom prepared to handle the often intrusive questions about money, family ties and spending. If living quietly is no longer as easy as it once was, how can we help the next generation build resilience in a world where everyone has an opinion about “the rich”?
Openness, History and Values
Most parents need a bit of courage before having “the big talks” – those talks about alcohol, drugs and sex – but they do need to be had. The same is true of “the big talk” about wealth. If you don’t tell your child that a fortune lies ahead, someone else almost certainly will. It might be a teacher, an employer at a student job, or even a friend’s parent who casually raises the question of how much money is in the bank. The point is simple: as with so many things, it is far better that the conversation begins at home.
You don’t have to reveal every detail, but if your child faces a financial situation different from most others, it is an act of care to help them understand and reflect on it in a safe setting. Openness and the right level of information help them stand tall when exposed to people’s curiosity.
That conversation might touch on:
- How are we positioned financially compared to others, and how are the assets placed and managed – in a business, in a family office, external wealth management, a foundation or something else?
- When are you expected to take responsibility for the wealth management (in most cases, not for many years), and when will you have access to the money (also, most likely, many years from now)?
- The origins of our wealth, and the legacy we can take pride in – from entrepreneurship and innovation to risk-taking, job creation at home and abroad, and philanthropy
- The values that define our family, and the ways in which we put them into practice.
- What meaningful consumption looks like for us as a family – when do we live just like everyone else, and when do we allow ourselves to enjoy the perks of a situation?
What Should I Say When Asked If I’m Rich?
In theory, you can tell young people that other people’s curiosity is their problem, and that they owe no one an answer. In practice, however, it is different. When starting out in a new class, at boarding school or in a football club, the wish to blend in is strong – and so is the risk of being seen as arrogant or snobbish. A short, brusque reply – the kind adults often get away with – can be damaging for a young man or woman trying to make friends on the very first day in a new community, when everything is at stake.
A useful rule of thumb in communication is that almost any message is better received if you (a) speak from your own perspective rather than (b) from the perspective of the one asking the question.
How much money are you going to inherit?
a) I would rather not talk about that – but I would love to talk about what we are doing on Friday.
b) That’s none of your business. It’s really annoying when people go on about that.
Your family makes loads of money from X, Y, Z – how is that fair?
a) I am not involved in the business myself, but I am proud that my family took risks and created jobs.
b) You do not know what you are talking about. It is ridiculous to spread stories like that.
In most situations, choosing response a is the wiser choice. By starting from their own perspective, young people can protect both their reputation and their friendships.
Finding that balance is not easy. But practising a few answers in advance gives young people the confidence not to be caught off guard, to avoid regretting what they said, and to stay connected socially rather than withdrawing because it feels too lonely to be different.
There are plenty of support services for young people facing challenges like loneliness, insecurity or low self-confidence. But when it comes to the unique challenge of growing up as an heir in a wealth-obsessed world, there is seldom a community to turn to.
If you are curious about how to help the next generation build resilience and prepare them to take on the responsibility of managing the family’s wealth, business or foundation, please feel free to contact us for an informal conversation – or read more here.
